The first step in getting your wife to shed that brotherly love for you is to examine why this shift has occurred. If it has slowly become the norm due to the everyday “routine” of life, as termed by Dr. Robert Leahy, Ph.D., such as going to work, picking up the kids, paying bills, etc., then it can be a cinch to put the romance back into your marriage. However, if there are bigger issues looming, such as infidelity or frequent pointless arguments, then it must be addressed through self-help measures and/or marriage counseling to open up the lines of communication. Then, once you have moved towards solving the larger issues as a team, it will be easier to ignite that romantic spark.

Friendship is the cornerstone of any long-lasting marriage. Every marriage will have its ups and downs in the area of intimacy, so you must have a solid foundation on which to fall in order to stay connected. Good news is that when you foster a friendship and the affection levels off, you two still have a close bond. To go about this, Dr, David B. Hawkins stresses that you can always re-cultivate your martial friendship by setting time aside for your mate, smile at her, inquire about her life, and have fun with one another, much like you would with any other friendship.

Break out of those daily patterns of life that make one day blur into the next. If you go to the same restaurant every Tuesday night, go somewhere new. You can have places that are “your” places together, but a little adventure goes a long way in recreating that connection you are missing. If you normally head straight to bed after the children are asleep, try to stay up and talk about your day, even if it is only for 15 minutes. Make the effort to break free of the patterns of the “everyday” and you will both be forced to reawaken to your marriage.

As pointed out by the National Marriage Project, date nights are the key to a successful marriage. There are a number of beneficial results from date nights, such as: communicating with one another which develops mutual interest; sharing in an experience that creates excitement which draws you together; increasing your attraction to one another translating into intimacy; creating a feeling of togetherness and commitment; and releasing stress that can otherwise build up. The magic number for date nights is around once per week. The more, the better. And, remember, many couples remain happy and connected by having date nights in-house with the romance abounding, when their life doesn’t allow for nights out.